There’s a Limit to Limits!
You can’t raise a resourceful child if your limits are too tight. Limits are vital and needed. Too many limits, though, can make a child feel crunched and, well, limited. How will you know if you are being reasonable, or if the limits you are setting are too extreme? Easy. Watch your child’s reactions:
Resistance and grumbling are normal. No self-respecting child is going to let you know how much she craves limits. Continued outrage or full-scale rebellion over a limit are your clues that something else is going on—perhaps your limit is too stringent and unjust. It may not be age or developmentally appropriate anymore. Are the limits expanding as she grows? Or perhaps your reason for the limit, or the values behind it, haven’t been communicated clearly enough. Are they explicit? Are the purposes of the limit clear?
Not Sure About a Limit?
Is it time to expand the limit? How can you be sure?
Keep evaluating your child, keep looking at who your child is this month, keep on talking. Ask your child what limits would feel appropriate. After you get past the initial part of the conversation (“No limits, Dad!”), you’ll probably get a few ideas. If your child takes part in the limit-setting, he’s more likely to live comfortably within their boundaries. (Kinda like the difference between your building a fence around your property for privacy, and somebody else fencing you in.) Check out Junior’s friends’ limits. Let’s get clear, here, “Everybody else gets to,” is not a reason to let Junior do something. Find out though—it’s purely informational. You’ll discover what other parents consider developmentally appropriate, and why Junior may be pushing for a change. Do your research. Hit the library and go get overwhelmed by the sheer number of parenting books. You’ll discover some vital information from child development experts. You’ll also learn that everybody has an opinion, that most opinions are a matter of opinion, and that you can trust your own opinion. Talk with your child’s teacher. She’s one of your parenting partners. She’s involved in your child’s life, and she’ll see your child from a completely different perspective than you do. Involved parents are the number-one factor for how well a child will do in school. Don’t wait until conference time or until the principal’s office calls—get involved! Call for a conference today!
