News flash: Life’s not fair. (I know; “Tell me something that I don’t know.”) If a woman is more than five years older than her husband, a number of issues can sour the in-law relationship. The envelope, please: There’s usually not such a flap when an older man marries a younger woman. However, it’s not always as simple as it seems, as my in my friend Virginia’s case: What can you do to pour oil on troubled waters? My father, however, has maintained a strong, 14-year burning flame of hatred for the “old man that dared to look at his little girl.” We became a couple when I was 20, which didn’t make my family roll out the red carpet any faster either. My father has never accepted it. It’s a nightmare.
Take charge. Don’t wait for the in-laws to come to you. Discuss the issue of the parents with your spouse first. Sometimes, there are lots of age issues to work out between the couple, too. Get your significant other involved. You can’t fight this battle alone. And present a unified front. It won’t work if your beloved sits there and says, “Yeah, well my folks have a point. You are old!” Have your husband or wife tell your in-laws that they don’t have to love you, but they must respect you. Hopefully, as your in-laws see your relationship last, they will move from respect to like and maybe even to love. Bottom line: Demand respect. You deserve it.
Statistically, marriages are most likely to succeed when the partners share common interests – but there are no carved-in-granite rules about ideal age differences between spouses. However, if you and your spouse are comfortable with each other’s ages, then it will at least give you some solid ground with which to deal with any naysaying in-laws.
