Before you can move forward though, you need to acknowledge the wide array of emotions you may be experiencing including everything from relief to despair and everything in between. Even if you suspected the disability all along, it’s normal to still be shocked by the news. You’re coming to terms with the significance of this issue and grappling with what it means for the future. Here are common reactions to discovering that your child has a learning disability. You may experience only one reaction to the news, or you may experience all of them. Be patient and allow yourself the time to process what you’ve been told. Learn to work through each emotion until you reach acceptance. Why does denial occur? It’s profoundly frightening for some parents to acknowledge a disability. Denial usually comes from a deep-rooted fear that their child will struggle in life or be rejected by others, which are often a parent’s worst nightmare. If you’re finding it hard to accept your child’s diagnosis, it may help to ask yourself why you’re feeling that way. Is the situation just too difficult to accept? Would a second opinion help? Eventually though, you may have to accept that your child is struggling for a reason. Both of you will benefit from accepting the reality of the situation and developing a plan to address the issues. While anger can be useful in allowing you to acknowledge the injustice of your child’s situation, it should never be directed at other people, including yourself. Instead, take the energy that your anger brings and allow it to motivate you to become an advocate for your child. Let it fuel your efforts to find solutions. Anger can be useful if it’s channeled properly. Just don’t let your anger control you or hurt other people. Perhaps you’re fearful about how this disability will affect your other children. You may even fear society’s reaction and worry about rejection. Sometimes these fears are so overwhelming that you’re frozen and completely immobilized. But you cannot allow that to happen. If you feel overwhelmed by fear, it might be helpful to write down everything that you are fearful of. Then, try thinking about each fear individually. Is it rational? Is there a way to address it? Also, talk with other parents in similar situations. They may be able to offer tips or suggestions on how they’ve dealt with the same issues you’re struggling with. Don’t try to go through this alone or allow your fears to overwhelm you. But you cannot let grief take hold in your life. While it is OK to feel sad, you want to avoid dwelling in sadness. It can quickly turn into victim-thinking, and the last thing you want to do is have a pity party for yourself or your child. Yes, it is sad that your child must deal with this, but instead of feeling sorry for them, try empathizing and being encouraging instead. In fact, they question every bump and bruise their child received up to the diagnosis and may even comb through memories of their pregnancy searching for some explanation or sign that they did something wrong. They want a reason why this is happening and often look to themselves to blame. But feelings of guilt, although quite common, are never useful or beneficial. If you find that you’re blaming yourself or feeling guilty over your child’s diagnosis, you need to recognize that this type of thinking is not effective. Instead, learn as much as you can about your child’s learning and thinking capabilities. Understanding everything you can about your child’s learning disability will increase your confidence and equip you to become an advocate for your child. Soon, you will realize that with the right support, your child can be successful and happy. Ask questions until you understand what you and your child are facing. Find resources in your community and online that help you make sense of your child’s learning disability. Eventually, you’re going to feel like an expert, which can be very empowering as you navigate the system. In other words, what will ease your feelings of powerlessness? Is it acceptance of things outside of your control? Gathering more information? Getting support from your community? Prayer or meditation? Only you will know how to address your feelings of powerlessness. But, this feeling is not one you should ignore. Find ways to cope with the fact that although a learning disability is not something you can control, it is something you can address and make the most of. If you’re feeling relieved to finally have an explanation for your child’s struggles, don’t feel bad. Some parents feel guilty over this relief and wonder why they aren’t more upset. Likewise though, it doesn’t mean you won’t struggle with other emotions too. After all, you may have had a small glimmer of hope that you were wrong. But the good news is now you finally have an answer and soon you will have a plan in place to not only address your child’s needs, but also to set them on a pathway to success.
