Let me hear your body talk? Please, keep it to a whisper when you’re dealing with in-laws from another culture. Among Chinese people from Vietnam, for example, a man and a woman are discouraged from hugging or kissing if they are not married. Likewise, Orthodox Jews avoid contact with members of the opposite sex. Many Latinos, in contrast, expect body contact. The moral of the story? Always ask before you reach out and touch someone. Your foreign-born in-laws might regard American attitudes toward a child’s independence and responsibility as stingy and unloving. In Colombia, for example, relatives help each other with no questions asked and no strings attached. This is rarely the case in American today. A big difference between Europeans and Americans is the independence issue. Many acculturated Americans are out the door at 18, but it’s not uncommon for people from the Old Side to live at home well into their twenties. In America, living at home is looked upon as, well, freakish. This is especially true for men – “What are you, a momma’s boy?” In Europe, it’s more common for the kids to remain in the nest until they’re married. My friend Toni’s future in-laws went nuts when Vito, their baby boy, their only son and the light of their lives, moved out. But when he moved in with Toni, they threatened coronaries on a daily basis. At first, every time Vito’s parents called, they were astonished that Toni answered the phone. So what if it was her phone? Invariably, they asked what Toni was doing there. Of course, they eventually got used to the situation and even ended up going furniture shopping with the couple.
