Dr. Lucy Rose Fisher, who studied successful peer-like mother-daughter relationships, identifies five qualities that are characteristic of this type of friendship. These pairs of mothers and daughters…
Candidates for Heartfelt Friendships
Researcher, Karen L. Fingerman, Ph.D., makes a valid point when she says that mothers and daughters will never be at the same stage at the same time. While this affects aspects of their relationship and distinguishes intergenerational pairs from friends who are chronological contemporaries, there are many women who have significant, true, and meaningful friendships with older and younger women. In that respect friendship defies the boundaries of age. Furthermore, there are a number of other factors that effectively bridge the generation gap. Other researchers believe that mothers and daughters have a natural affinity to become friends because they share the same history and biology, know each other very well, and overwhelmingly express the desire to become friends. These pairs have the luxury of being their naked selves in a relationship without having to be concerned with social pretense or chatter just to fill spaces of silence. But the women who have the best capacity to be friends with their mom, according to a study by Jane B. Abramson, author of Mothermania, a Psychological Study of Mother-Daughter Conflicts (Lexington Books, 1987), have been well-mothered, lead rich lives, have self-esteem, are successful, and express psychological well-being.
Friendship Blockers
Elements that block the formation of friendships between some mothers and daughters include…
The inability by daughters to tolerate or accept Mom’s bad, as well as her good, qualities. Their inability to give up the rigid confines of mother-daughter roles. A lack of natural affinity or love that encourages true intimacy. The unwillingness or inability to give up old gripes or poor legacies, create better patterns of interaction, or change. A lack of emotional and supportive reciprocity. The absence of mutual interest in all aspects of each other’s lives.
These are the most prominent blockers. Significant others reside with pairs of mothers and daughters who have not yet reached a level of autonomy and equity.
title: “Mother Daughter Friendships” ShowToc: true date: “2022-12-14” author: “Aaron Murphy”
What this process involves, Gordon feels, is… While all of these nine points are equally important, the final one requires further explanation.
Making Room for Other Friendships
One of the primary tenants of friendship, Gordon notes, is allowing each other the freedom to broaden their circle of friends. Demanding exclusivity can damage an otherwise satisfying friendship. This is particularly critical for mother and daughter. Their friendship is too tight and too close if there isn’t room for anyone else, says Dr. Gordon. “A mother or a daughter should not feel threatened by the other bringing new people into their lives who create loving relationships.” This includes a daughter’s spouse, her in-laws, or Mom’s new husband.
