During the discussion, make eye contact with her, crouch down so that you are on the same level with her, and take time to listen to her explain what her reasons were for her conduct. Examine the way you talk to your daughter. Be sure to delete the following types of comments from your vocabulary:
Sarcastic ones, such as “Aren’t you a pretty sight!” when she is dirt-streaked from top to toe. Demeaning ones, such as “You’re always so clumsy,” when she breaks a piece of china. Threatening ones, such as “If you do that again, you’ll be sorry,” when she bursts into laughter at a funeral. Over- punishing ones, such as “Go to bed right now and no supper,” when all she did was sneeze with flair, without using a tissue.
Also, remember that little girls are the best imitators in the world and that they have excellent ears. So make sure your daughter overhears you whenever you tell Grandma or Granddad about the time she realized she made a faux pas—big or small—and corrected it by apologizing, and then making sure it would not happen again. Tell her you appreciate her trying so hard, but that “sorry” is not a permission slip to do something wrong. It is like a bandage that is used after an injury. It makes a mistake better but does not undo it. Treat your girl in such a way that she knows you are always on her side. That requires patience. Children’s memories are not as well developed as ours. Their attention span is shorter, too, and they have such a plethora of new things to learn and digest that they can get overloaded. Verbal reminders should do the trick if you acknowledge your daughter’s feelings and deliver the reminders with understanding and love. Taking out a notepad and writing down what you notice about your girl’s developing conduct is useful. It signals to her that she is important and that you plan to devise a solution for what went wrong, if anything did. Trust and be confident that you do possess the solutions. This can-do attitude will rub off on your little girl. She will be so proud of your relationship with her. She will feel an ever-strengthening commitment from you to her in requiring her best deportment, and from her to you in showing her best side.
