When you are listening to your spouse, always ask yourself the following three questions:

  1. Are you giving your spouse your full and undivided attention?
  2. Do you understand what your spouse is saying to you?
  3. Do you know what your spouse wants from you? To be a good listener, you need to answer “yes” to all of these questions. If you are distracted, suggest a better time to talk. If you don’t understand what your spouse is saying, ask him or her to explain again. It’s also important to know exactly what your spouse wants from you. If your spouse tells you that he or she has invited people over for dinner on Friday evening at 6:30 pm, you should do several things. You should clarify what he or she wants from you. Approval for the dinner party? That you should be home by 5:30 to help set up? That you need to help with the food preparation? Maybe you are just being asked to be home by 6:30 on Friday, but you should clear that up now before misunderstandings develop. By having your spouse tell you specifically what he or she wants from you, you will be facilitating good communication and preventing a future argument.