Similar to positive discipline, parents who use gentle discipline do not spank or use any forms of corporal punishment. They don’t shame or embarrass kids but instead, provide respectful negative consequences that deter future behavior.
Gentle Discipline Looks Long-Term
Gentle discipline doesn’t just focus on today’s behavior. Instead, it helps parents look at the long-term. Parents recognize skills that their children need and find discipline strategies that will accomplish their goals. For example, if a child needs to learn responsibility, parents may offer more chores to ensure a child is gaining the skills he needs. Gentle discipline involves addressing skill deficits so kids can grow to become healthy, responsible adults.
Gentle Discipline Teaches Kids What to Do
Gentle discipline focuses on teaching kids the appropriate behavior. For example, a child who calls their brother names doesn’t just get a time-out. They are also taught to use their words in nice ways.
Gentle Discipline Acknowledges Feelings
Gentle discipline also takes a child’s feelings into consideration. If a child is upset, a parent wouldn’t say, “Well, that’s life,” or “You shouldn’t be so upset about something so small.” Instead, parents using gentle discipline teach kids how to cope with those uncomfortable emotions. Parents talk to kids about their feelings and take them seriously. Kids feel validated when they see that adults take their feelings into consideration. When there’s a problem, they work on problem-solving together and kids are allowed to give input.
Gentle Discipline Emphasizes Safety
Parents who use gentle discipline emphasize physical and emotional safety. Kids are taught to evaluate risks and consider whether their choices are safe. If a child is about to make a poor choice, parents point out the potential consequences. A parent might say, “We walk in parking lots because there are a lot of cars driving around that we need to be watching out for so we don’t get hit.” Parents who use gentle discipline don’t tell kids to do something “because I said so.”
Gentle Discipline Spells Out Expectations
Anything and everything can be used as a learning experience for kids. A trip to the grocery store, a ride in the car or playing a game can be used to teach kids a variety of skills. Parents make the rules and expectations clear ahead of time. For example, before a trip to the hospital, a child may be told, “We’re going to visit Aunt Sally at the hospital today. We’ll need to use inside voices because people in the hospital don’t feel well and some of them will be sleeping. We also have to use walking feet and calm bodies.” When kids are aware of the rules ahead of time, it gives them a choice. They know what will happen if they behave and also what the negative consequences will be if they misbehave. When parents use gentle discipline they don’t try to force kids to do anything by sheer will and they avoid power struggles.
Gentle Discipline Uses Positive and Negative Consequences
Gentle discipline shouldn’t be confused with permissive parenting. Instead, parents offer effective consequences. But it’s important to note that each consequence serves a specific purpose. With toddlers and younger children, redirection is a common discipline technique. Instead of yelling or sending a child to their room for repeatedly touching something they are not supposed to handle, a parent may get the child involved in a new activity to stop the behavior. Logical consequences and natural consequences are often used to deter negative behavior from being repeated. Time-out may be used as a way to teach kids to take a break when they are angry or upset. There are also positive consequences that reinforce good behavior. Reward systems are often used to encourage good behavior or to help kids work on a specific behavior problem. Praise and lots of positive attention are offered to reinforce good choices and good behavior as well.
